Did you just see the Batmobile???
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
How does it feel to date your dad?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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