you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
