bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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