I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
How does one acquire holy water?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
