Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
