dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
