just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
