what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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