Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
