Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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