you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
