everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
