Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize