Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
