States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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