the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Just puked most of my soul out..
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
