he shaved USA in his pubs
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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