Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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