lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Randomize
