Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
