I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
