Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize