This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
