By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
