It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
