We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
