I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
As shirtless as possible
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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