so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
