you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
