Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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