I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize