Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
