Is it normal to miss your booty call?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize