just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
