I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
