and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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