covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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