I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
