i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
