I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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