It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
