i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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