Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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