Will you blow on my dice?
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize