someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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