Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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