the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
