Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
