Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
