yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
