took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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