i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
