We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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