At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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