She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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