Will you blow on my dice?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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