The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
