Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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