I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
