Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize