Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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