Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
