He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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