The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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