she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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