I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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