I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just googled if crying burns calories
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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