I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
