i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
