Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
