I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
