she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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