Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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