Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
