Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
