so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
