Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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