White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
