Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I want to have your abortion
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
