Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
