Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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