I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
