I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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