Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
