yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
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