Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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