Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
