its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
