Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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