I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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