Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
