Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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